3/4: Adrian Mole Book 1、
‘A satire of our times. Very funny indeed’ Sunday Times
‘My comfort read. The best diaries ever written – with apologies to Samuel Pepys, Bridget Jones and me’ ADAM KAY
FEATURED IN ‘THE 100 BOOKS THAT SHAPED OUR WORLD’ BBC ARTS
The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 3/4 is the first book in Sue Townsend’s brilliantly funny Adrian Mole series.
Friday January 2nd
I felt rotten today. It’s my mother’s fault for singing ‘My Way’ at two o’clock in the morning at the top of the stairs. Just my luck to have a mother like her. There is a chance my parents could be alcoholics. Next year I could be in a children’s home.
Meet Adrian Mole, a hapless teenager providing an unabashed, pimples-and-all glimpse into adolescent life. Writing candidly about his parents’ marital troubles, the dog, his life as a tortured poet and ‘misunderstood intellectual’, Adrian’s painfully honest diary is still hilarious and compelling reading thirty years after it first appeared.
‘I not only wept, I howled and hooted and had to get up and walk around the room and wipe my eyes so that I could go on reading’ Tom Sharpe
‘We laugh both at Mole and with him. A wonderful comic read, that, like all the best comedy, says something rather meaningful’ Heat
NOW A MAJOR MUSICAL
Sue Townsend, with The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 3/4 (1982) and The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole (1984) was Britain’s bestselling author of the 1980s. Her other hugely successful novels include Rebuilding Coventry, The Queen and I, Ghost Children, Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years and Adrian Mole: The Cappuccino Years. She is also well known as a playwright. Sue lives in Leicester.
MONDAY AUGUST 31ST
Bank Holiday in UK (except Scotland)
Everyone is broke. The banks are closed and my father can’t remember the secret code on his plastic moneycard. He had the nerve to borrow five pounds from Bert Baxter. Fancy asking an old age pensioner for money! It lacks dignity.
Pandora and I are now insanely in love! The separation only served to fuel our passion. Our hormones are stirred every time we meet. Pandora slept with the otter pebble in her hand last night. How I wish the otter pebble could have been me.
TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 1ST
Mr Singh has had to return to India to look after his aged parents, so Bert has been told that he will have to move back into his dirty old house! Mr Singh says that he cannot trust his womenfolk to be alone in the house with Bert. How stupid can you get? Bert doesn’t mind too much; he said that it is ‘quite a compliment’.
Pandora and I are going to clean Bert’s house and help him move back. He owes the council two hundred and ninety-four pounds in rent arrears. He has got to pay the arrears off at fifty pence a week, so it is a certainty that Bert will die in debt.
WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 2ND
Pandora and I went to look at Bert’s house today. It is a truly awesome sight. If Bert took all his empty beer bottles back to the off-licence he might get enough money on the empties to pay off his rent arrears.
THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 3RD
My father helped us to move all of the furniture out of the ground floor of Bert’s house, the woodworms came out to sunbathe. When we lifted the carpets we discovered that Bert had been walking about on a layer of dirt, old newspapers, hairpins, marbles and decomposed mice for years. We hung the carpets on the washing line and beat them all afternoon, but the dust billowed out non-stop. Pandora got excited at about 5 p.m., she claimed she could see a pattern emerging on one carpet, but closer examination showed it to be squashed fairy cake. We are going back tomorrow with Pandora’s mother’s carpet-shampooer. Pandora said it has been tested by Which?, but I bet it has never had to clean a filthy hovel like Bert Baxter’s before.
FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 4TH
I have just witnessed a miracle! This morning Bert’s carpets were dark grey in colour. Now one is a red Axminster and the other is a blue Wilton. The carpets are hanging on the clothes line to dry. We have scraped all the floors clean and washed the furniture down with a fungicide disinfectant. Pandora took the curtains down but they fell to pieces before she could get them to the sink. Bert has been sitting in a deckchair criticizing and complaining. He can’t see what’s wrong with living in a dirty house.
What is wrong with living in a dirty house?